Starting afresh

We’re going to have more of a personal blog post. It’s no secret that I do date and that I’m not that successful in dating. Well, I’m still single. The point of the game is to no longer need to play the game, if that makes any sense. Recently on my travels, I was able to go on a couple of dates and nothing came out of it, but I realised that I do miss the exploration of another person, with a romantic perspective. With the outbreak of the virus, I have a chance to step-back and reevaluate my desires. I can also look at my process of finding someone and think if this is the better way of doing this.

Why blog about this? I can and it’s my blog. On a more serious tone, I hope that someone will see this and reach out and start a conversation about this topic. Maybe you have some advice or just want to share your experience. Use the contact page if you want to keep between us.

Let’s begin. I’ve spent last night thinking about what I want in a partner and is this a realistic ideal to be looking for in a person. It’s a top ten list and I’m not sure if there is anyone who is like this, but after a bit of thinking. I know a few.

I should share my list so we are on the same page. I haven’t changed the tone that I wrote this in, so feel free to pick at it.

Things I want in a partner:

  1. I want them to be chasing their dream life. 
  2. I want them to also want children. Be it our own or adopted. 
  3. I want them to be okay with distance, as I plan to live in multiple continents.
    • I understand that may be against their dreams and I do not want to stand between them and their career goals. 
  4. I want them to understand that Africa is my home and I want to spend the last days of my life on the continent. 
  5. I want them to be connected to India, be ethnicity or nationality. 
  6. I want them to be vegetarian, or at least vegetarian at home. 
  7. I want them to accept my religious choices, but not necessarily being the same. 
  8. I want them to be educated. 
  9. They need to be an extrovert. 
  10. I want them to be family oriented 

To be honest, when writing this list, I was personally shocked about the lack of physical aspects that I seem to want. I mention drive, religion, family and traveling. What concerns me from the initial point of writing this was the expectation that I seem to have on this person from the very onset. This is not a simple list. It’s good for it to be open about what you want, but even looking at point 4, I’m not sure that’s even possible and not just wishful thinking. Then again. I love Africa and can’t imagine not being there in the last few years of my life. If there is any choice in the matter, I’m moving home. It’s an important issue that I know some people could not imagine spending a significant amount of time there, let alone settling there. Religion can be a sticking point, but it’s definitely can be resolved with good communication.

Speaking about communication, it’s clear for all of this to work out. Then communication, not only of this list, is the only way that this could be viable. Is finding this person viable? Honestly? Right now. I think that this sort of person does exist beyond my dreams. It’s not going to be easy, but why not go for the dream life? I’m sure I would regret not trying

Plunge

The steps are steep, There’s mean feat. They’re easy to climb, as your body doesn’t seem to mind. At the top we see all this potential. Sometimes we’re concerned about the credentials. We all hesitate. Not to make a mistake. It’s our fear, that puts us in gear. Makes us stall, Just before the fall. An innocent hello. Can turn into the most destructive hell hole Or send us into a field of bliss. Where all we do is kiss.

Fobalicious

Now don’t ask me what brought me to do this, but I decided to share one of my online dating profiles with reddit. Then I decided to talk about it on the podcast and now I’m writing about it.

Now let me say, that some of the people were harsh as fuck. Held nothing back and others were a bit more supportive. The vast majority said nothing at all (if all 400+ views are unique), but that’s cool. Most people online are just lurkers.

don’t ask me what brought me to do this

Something I say far too often

While all the comments were, in the end of the day, fine. One thing that stood out to me was being called Fobby or told that I look like a Fob. Which, if anyone grew up with me, would find hilarious. Especially how patriotic I was as a child to my beloved England and British heritage.

However, I don’t mind being called a FOB. What concerned me was the negative connotations with the term. No one says it with a positive attitude. It’s a put down. It’s an intra-ethnic division. It’s not just that there’s a difference in culture, but that one is more superior. Now, if you say: No, Hanik that’s not what I mean when I refer to someone as FOB, rather I mean it’s someone who is from the motherland. Then why not say that? FOB isn’t a reclaimed term and you may say that you are trying to reclaim it. However, unless you are Fresh Off the Boat; it’s not your responsibility or right to claim. Heck it’s not even my right to claim, after being called one.

How do you respond to being called a FOB? I would, in real life, tell the other person to stop being a wanker. I might also just shrug it off and not let the person get to me, honestly, I’m too sure how I would react. Just being weirded out by the term.

Otherwise, look for some changes coming to the blog. As you may be aware, I’m on a podcast and I’ve decided to make a page for the blog; beyond social media. It will just explain the basis of Chai Noon and a quick bio of Kiran and maybe a photo if he adds one.

Latest episode where we talk about dating:

Scared by rice is an understatement