Shu Thayu

Those Bollywood nights
Where memories old helped form the new
We both cut shapes on the floor
Walking out of the bar into the crisp autumn air

Across the river is the train home
We pause, not because we can’t turn back
Rather we fear what happens if we board
Do we turn our lives upside-down to chase the dream of us?

The reality reminds us of our fragility
The success could just lead to more baggage
Where it is not in our nature to be savage
To be civil we cut ties before they are woven

No betrayal to the other
Just ourselves
We deny ourselves the opportunity to fail
We imagine that our future may contain more pain

We go our separate ways
To shed a few tears
Knowing why
But still not how it happened

We get asked the same question when we get home:

Shu thayu? (What happened?)
Mari jaan kem atli dukhi che? (Why is my darling upset?)

Hun prem karava dari guuy chu (I’m scared to be in love)

Mumbai

The city that never sleeps
Full of mystic, lights, billionaires & beggars
The playground of Indian’s elite
And kids play cricket on every street

How I miss this city
It may have the Gateway of India
But it has the gateway to azadiĀ 
Even if the smog blocks the light

Walk down the streets as the autos and kallipilli wizz past
Dodge the gaays and guys while you follow the delightful smells
No one wears a mask as everyone looks for that suitable boy or girl
Yet all are scared of their auntie ji going chi-chi-chi when they find out that you spent the night with Sanchi

I cringe when I call my Mumbai Bomb(bae)
However I’m utterly in love
This city represents the best & the worst of my life and my desires
I feel at home in this constant chaos

Stuttering

There is no shortness breath
Say some words take heft
I look out for patience
As my thoughts are stuck in the station

My mind needs to be active
My mouth is protracted
There is intellectual theft
Even if I am not bereft

The chief culprit is me
I feel like an amputee
My knowledge dispossessed
As though I’m not even the best of the rest

Though I have no reason to want this
My ideas are just disappearing into the abyss
I know I’m lucky to have my thoughts
I just wished the ones I shared weren’t so short

This is my constant battle
While I take on the world this still causes me to rattle
I wish it was confidence
but I don’t have that evidence

Inside

Sitting on the grass. What felt like a farce.
I left to escape hell, only to find that it was within me.
There are no demons that follow. The am the demon, the gargoyle... the mutant.
Constantly in dispair. My hope comes alive when I can escape pain; by avoiding reality.
I don't want to escape to paradise.
I just want to escape me.